splotches of different colors in the mind

my pen's ink is blue.
and so am i.

...but only for today..

bug me do

ants really fascinate me. i just love to spend long days watching these tiny bugs doing what they do. i wonder what they talk about when they meet each other, they seem to enjoy rubbing antennaes and gossiping. i wonder if each of them have names or do they use numbers instead of names. i wonder if they realize how small they are compared to the other things around them. i wonder how they can manage to carry a weight so big on their tiny backs. i wonder why they keep their line straight. how i wonder. i wish i can be an ant for a day. lolz.

im sensitive

how can i install music in this blog? ive been trying but still i can't do it. dont know how. how? how? de carabao, de batutin.. since i can't put the music up, i'll just write down the lyrics. i think this is a very good song. sung by and composed (i think) by jewel. she's a real artist for me. the song has nice lyrics and some sort of innocence appeal in it. here goes..

i was thinking that i might fly today. just to disprove all the things that you say. it doesn't take a talent to be mean. your words can crush things that are unseen. so please be careful with me. im sensitive and i'd like to stay that way. you always tell me that it's impossible to be respected and be a girl. why's it got to be so complicated? why you gotta tell me if i'm hated? please be careful with me. i'm sensitive and i'd like to stay that way. and i was thinking that it might do some good if we robbed the cynics and took all their food. that way what they believe will have taken place and we give it to everybody who have some faith. please be careful with me. im sensitive and i'd like to stay that way. i have this theory that if we're told were bad then that's the only idea we'll ever have. but maybe if we are surrounded in beauty someday we will become what we see 'cause anyone can start a conflict it's harder yet to disregard it. i'd rather see the world from another angle. we are everyday angels. be careful with me 'cause i'd like to stay that way.

be careful with me and you.

strike one! strike two! strike three! yer out!!

i am not sure how many strikes ive witnessed in all my 19 years of existence. but a rough estimate...today may be the one millionth transport strike ive seen! i had to wait for almost half an hour for a jeepney..even though there is a transport strike classes werent suspended..and i am expecting to be in that same situation by the time i go home after class. nine hundred thousand and ninety nine stikes have been and one for the millionth is still staged at the moment. the concerns of the drivers/strikers can be trimmed down to three issues. rising oil prices. transport fare hike. ... okay so i can only think of two issues. but those are the real issues. imperialism and other issues that come out brought by activist groups are just decorations. they just ride with the emotions of drivers. 19 years and still the drivers are crying out for the same demands only to a different administration. a case of inaction of the government or of discontentment of the people. why don't we meet in the middle and come up with a good solution that benefits both. if only the government would stop pretending that it didnt hear anything. that's what usually happens. it just pretends that everything is alright when its not. it keeps on selling the country to other nations convincing them that we are okay and yet we are not. domestic issues need to be addressed immediately. hear the angry voice of the drivers so i can stop counting..its very hard to count large numbers (1,000,001) it gets complicated as you go on. and we should learn to be contented.
hayy ambot! kapoya jud oi, naa na pud ko internet cafe..wala pa mosulod among teacher..6 consecutive days!! out na nya ko oi, kay basin dako na kaayo kog bayran.

new image

i got a perm yesterday. my hair is a mess! hehe i dont know what got into me that i decided to change my hairstyle. its called telephone wire by the way. hehe i look like a bob marley loyalist. put on that reggae music. i think the charr! said that the hair would look better next week. for now, i will have to maintain it by not washing it or combing it no matter what. how can i not? it's unruly, wild..i wanted curls not dreadlocks! hehe everytime i look in the mirror, i am reminded by mars ravelo's female villain, valentina ang babaeng ahas ang buhok. hehe but its ok, the charr! was very nice to me. hey, maybe next year i'll shave my head bald..=)

my mother was admitted to the hospital for high blood pressure. she's a crazy one. she didnt look sick when i went to visit and she seems to be enjoying her stay in the hospital. hehe she's being pampered and her every request is granted. her blood pressure is stable now and she'll be discharged from the hospital today. thank God.
i had a fight with my sister over i think it was the computer or something. im not sure anymore. im always the first to apologize i hate that sometimes but someone's got to make a move right or else we wont be speaking to each other for weeks or months possibly years. and we'll have very bad breaths. hehe we're okay now, yahooo!!

i feel like doing vocals today..here goes, pa du pa dum ge dum dum do be do be dut tug..shhhhk..tschhkatuk kukkituk kikuk gakuk geduk..shhwoopp pradsh rupperum pe rud ra pa dum dum..shhwook then whistle blows..then bubble gum pops..ppuk..hehe silly me.

gotta go buy bread and eat my painit.

help!!

it's so boring here. i dont like class breaks.
finished a book last week. really cool. set during world war ii about german paratroopers and lots of wartime action. im starting on the sequel to that book. its called the eagle has flown. the first one was the eagle has landed. i'll chat.

second day in school

panicked after knowing that the advanced accounting class was dissolved. good thing i was inserted in the other schedule. morning schedule. means i have to get up early and take a two hour forced break.
im in an internet cafe near school. im doing homework i was supposed to be doing yesterday. i did but never got to finish it because of chat.
beautiful day today. really beautiful.

as i was saying..

i am so alone in this house. i have to write another one coz if i dont id go crazy. the weather outside is so gloomy (and scary as night is taking over) which is weird because we usually get beautiful skies at this time of the year. maybe the heavens is mourning for the Pope. my neighbor keeps on coming in our house. she wanted to use the phone and wanted to use my cellphone to text somebody. thats fine with me. go ahead, text. but to read the messages in my inbox? i am not hiding anything but i think she should have asked my permission first. my father taught us the importance of respecting other people's things. speaking of father, he is home now. yipee.. he's first words to me when he came is.."nikki, nasunog na ang kan-on." hehe i forgot about the rice i was cooking. it got burned(just a bit)..thanks to my father who saved us both from eating burned rice. about respecting other people's belongings, well im not good at that too..i look into my sister's love letters and text messages also. but we're family so it probably doesnt matter..and she pries on mine too! so in a way i am only getting back at her. other than what i did to my sisters, i have always respected property rights lol. does that mean i dont have respect for Iris and Julia? lol of course not. there is no excuse for any of those acts..my friendly neighborhood Aling Gina, i forgive you and Julia, forgive me for looking into your love letters and for accidentally reading your text messages and for Iris, forgive me for reading the text messages from that Luke guy and from your Sir Janssen and unless any of the three of you read this, the secret is safe and i dont have to worry about anything coz there is a very slim chance, like .0000000001% probability for any of you to read this. hehehe that was a long and very wrong sentence.

multitasking

im doing the laundry and writing. after those, im gonna press some clothes. and then go to sleep. mother went to Argao, i wanted to go with her (with Julia, Daboy and Keermay) but i had to go to school to enroll. theyll be back tonight. mother will go to Negros and wants me to go with her but i dont know, i'll be too tired to go. i think. and the weather's not good. hehe i remember the time we went to Dumaguete by boat (big passenger boat). when we were already a few meters from shore, there was a sudden change in the weather. the boat rocked and the waves were getting bigger every time i look. water splashed into the sides of the boat and we got sprayed with seawater. some people were panicking. my mother was panicking. we had to keep telling her its okay, when it obviously wasnt, just to keep her calm. hehe in a way it was funny. but when you think about it, it really was a dangerous situation. after a few minutes, we were able to land to shore and to safety. mother swore never to ride on that boat again. i dont know, i feel safer in that boat than in big ships. big ships are i dont know, too big. like titanic, lol.

about atong ako gisuwat nga insik nagpakamatay..sayop diay. babaye diay to, gipatay sa iyang duha ka kabit. ang babaye naay bana nga seaman nya siya sad kay nag iring2x dinhi samtang iyang bana naa sa gawas nagtrabaho. kani nga update nakuha nako gikan kang Kaycee. so courtesy of Kaycee na siya..hehe explain kaayo ko mora sag naay mobasa ani ako ra baya gihapon..hehe

i saw an episode of a reality show last Sunday. it's called the Bachelor 5. the guy is so gorgeous and he looks like somebody i know which makes him more attractive to me. im gonna watch the next episode and the next until he chooses the girl he is most attracted to. hey, pick me instead..lol i was just thinking, don't they feel awkward kissing and cuddling and showing signs of affection and doing all those things they do to each other in front of millions of people watching their show? are reality shows even real? just like wrestling..is it real? i enjoy it though.

oh man, i have a lot of chores to do. i hate being alone in the house..i get to do all the work around. i have to wash the dishes, cook rice, feed the dogs, etcetera, etcetera... im the housemaid now. i'll think of this as my training ground, hehe if, God forbid, i can't finish college i will apply for work in Saudi Arabia as a domestic helper. lol Kaycee and I talked about who(Filipinos) goes where. when you say Saudi Arabia, you think domestic helpers. United Kingdom=nurses. Canada=caregivers. Japan=GROs or entertainers. United States of America=mail order brides? the last one just popped out from my beautiful mind hehehe. i want to marry erase erase erase. have to write something long enough here to hide what i just wrote, make it not so obvious. according to statistics (a scientific guess), conducted by yours truly, most people read the first and last two sentences in a paragraph. okay its safe now..hehehe i am such a dork. nobody reads this stuff anyway.

going gone

we went to Sibonga for a family reunion this morning. didn't stay long though. i saw a schoolmate back at highschool. wow, we were actually cousins though distant still he is family. its quite amazing, good thing we know now. what if in the future we fall in love and get married and have abnormal children. lol. the event was dubbed the Ponce Clan Reunion. i didn't know anyone there except for my schoolmate-cousin. our generation is already very far from the Ponce line but still we go to those reunions. just to show up.

the Pope died. sad news. my sister said that it's for the better. it's no use keeping the Pope alive and she's quite satisfied that now he's dead. she said that if the Pope stayed alive, he won't be able to perform his duties as Pope anyway and that the Church would seem weak. He is too frail and old. my sister probably thinks the same for Schiavo. well, i have the same ideals as her when i was in high school. i thought that if a person is inutile then he'd be better off dead. the earth will at least benefit from his rotten body, if buried underneath. i believed in the principle of nature, that the strong shall live and the weak shall perish..this one mostly out of watching Samurai X, a japanese anime. my favorite villain, Shishio Makoto, live by this principle. anyway, those views changed because i realized that life is not ours to take. we are given the privilege to use our life but not the right to end it whenever we feel like we can't handle it anymore. when there's still life, there's still hope. how would you know anything could happen if your dead? really sad news for all of us. he'll be a saint. what about me? can i be a saint too? can i apply for "saintlyness"? is there such a word?
im holding my niece while typing. slows me down. i dont mind coz she's so cute. what kind of future will little children today have? what about my future children's future? and my children's children's future? and my children's children's children's future? will the world freeze and go back to the ice age? who knows.

up at 2:00 AM

up at 2 A.M...yeah. im looking at my genealogy especially that of my chinese lineage. yep, last night, at dinner, my mother mentioned something about her half brother whom she lost contact with a long, long, long time ago, like the longest time ago. and i told her that the internet can find anyone in the world. and so i was given the task to look for a guy named keysek kwan. yep, keysek kwan..
i found this kwan lineage site and posted a message. i hope the webmaster gets back at me soon.
ive had two motorcycles accidents in less than three months. careful driving next time. wasnt my fault but since i'm a woman, the initial blame is on me. that's how cruel the world is to women up to this day. i'll get my license, the permanent one next week. i'll have to learn how to drive four wheels. ive had one driving session with my father but i dont think that was enough and now he cant seem to find time for another session. thats fine with me anyway.
the quake yesterday, no..the other day, registered a 4.o intensity on the Richter scale and lasted for about 40 seconds. (to me, the quake felt stronger like 7.0 maybe hehe exadj as if i know what that intensity feels like, right i dont want to know) that's what the news report said. but you can't trust them these days. like not so long ago, the Palace declared that classes be suspended in parts of the Philippines that are targets of the typhoon-i forgot the name of that typhoon. PAG-ASA said that the whole of Cebu Province will be affected. and so classes were suspended, to my delight of course. some establishments closed for the day because of that warning and even the government agencies declared a non working day for its employees. but that day turned out just fine, in fact it wasnt just fine, it was a beautiful sunny day. so much for weather reports and updates.
do you know that only two million Filipinos pay taxes? goes a VAT ad years ago. i dont know why i still remember that ad. how many Filipinos are there now? something like 40 million? or more..im not sure, maybe 70 million? i'll check on that. the government is thinking of raising revenue by increasing taxes. they planned to tax water pumped from the ground, charge the water from public utility systems, and tax everything that can be taxed. they could even tax the air we breathe, Filipinos don't care, anyway we've suffered too much already we dont mind another burden. we got used to it. put the load on us, we are a strong people, bring it on! what are they thinking? these revenue increasing measures can greatly affect the poor. the government cannot tax the rich so it goes for the poor who are easier to tax. hey i remember one u.s. president said, if it moves tax it; if it doesnt, subsidize it and then tax it..or something like that, i think. ok im outta here.