in the province

they call it 'bugay' in the dialect. my mother was quite shocked. somebody in their family wanted to get married and was asking for her help. then she started to spurt out words into her cellphone. wow, she can really talk fast when she wants to.
i didnt know asking for favors and gifts from the groom to be is still being practiced today. but father said that's how it goes in the province.
i think it's unnerving for the girl to learn that she is worth a sack of rice, a sack of corn, two pigs and two thousand pesos. if i were the girl, i would be very mad. in fact, i would probably runaway. lol
it's a weird practice. ought to be completely phased out. i mean, the girl is reduced to being a commodity item. ready for anyone who could afford her. maybe there should be a law against this. maybe our dear congressmen can do something about it. lol dear?

subakasu

Daikirai datta sobakasu wo chotto Hitonadeshite tame iki wo hitotsu Hebi ikkyuu no koi wa migoto ni Kakuzatou to isshoni toketa Mae yori mo motto yaseta mune ni chotto"Chiku" tto sasaru toge ga itai Hoshiuranai mo ate ni naranai wa

Motto touku made isshoni yuketara neeUreshikute sore dakede

Omoi de wa itsumo kirei dakedoSore dake ja onaka ga suku waHonto wa setsunai yoru nanoniDoushite kashira? Ano hito no egao mo omoi dasenai no

Kowashite naoshite wakatteru noniSore ga atashi no seikaku dakaraModokashii kimochi de ayafuya no mama deSoredemo ii koi wo ekita

Omoikiri aketa hidari mimi no piasu ni wa neeWaraenai episoudo

Sobakasu no kazu wo kazoetemiruYogoretanui gurumi daiteMune wo sasu toge wa kienai kedoKaeru-chan mo usagi-chan moWaratte kureru no

Omoi de wa itsumo kirei dakedoSore dake ja onaka ga suku noHonto wa setsunai yoru nanoniDoushite kashira? Ano hito no namida mo omoi dasenai no?Omoidasenai noDoushitenano?


I touched those freckles lightly and sighed,My "heavy class" love has dissolved clearly Just like a sugarcube.The thorn stuck in my thin breast went in further And hurt much more than before. Astrology didn't predict that at all.
I wished we could go together farther,It would be joyful enough to...
Memories are always beautiful,But with only that you can't live.Tonight should be a really sad night,But why? Actually I can't remember his smiling face.
I understand breaking apart and putting back together Because that's my personality;With impatient feelings and uncertainty Which nevertheless are capable of good love.
I pierced my left ear to forget,It's an episode I can't laugh about.
Counting up the number of freckles Embracing the spots and all But the thorn piercing my breast won't disappear.My stuffed frog and rabbit Smile and comfort me.
Memories are always beautiful,But with only that you can't live.It was a really tough nightI wonder why though? Why can't I remember that person's tears?I can't remember,Why can't I?

i don't speak Japanese. i know what subakasu means though. thanks to Gigi for the mp3 file, subakasu. i have it on my edge of sword. :) thanks again Gi!

the true untitled version

*I open my eyes. I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light*

i sit inside a jeepney and hearing the music coming out from the speakers say to myself, this is the perfect theme song for me.

*And I can’t stand the pain. And I can’t make it go away. No I can’t stand the pain*

i mean, each day is turning out to be worse than the other.

*How could this happen to me? I made my mistakes. I’ve got no where to run. The night goes on As I’m fading away. I’m sick of this life. I just wanna scream. How could this happen to me?*

oh what bad luck.

*Everybody’s screaming I try to make a sound but no one hears me. I’m slipping off the edge. I’m hanging by a thread. I wanna start this over again*

* So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered. And I can’t explain what happened. And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done. No I can’t*

i'm so frustrated.

*how could this happen to me.*

kenshin himura

a few days ago, i said i was going to write about kenshin himura but i totally forgot about him. well honestly, i really don't feel like doing it anymore. but i'm going to do it anyway. it won't be good.
he's not a very important character really. he's not even a real person. he's an anime character. yes i know. why on earth would i want to write about an anime character? i dont know. i just wanted to. but now im not that interested anymore. but still.

kenshin himura. well he's a wanderer with red hair, wears wooden sandals, and has a huge scar on his left cheek. he used to be a slasher. in fact, he was known as battousai the slasher (i dont know what battousai meant) but he was bad..was. because he changed after realizing that he killed so many innocent lives. he killed mercilessly without really knowing the reason why he's doing it. i forgot to say that he is a japanese samurai. well he is.
in fact, he has his own anime show called samurai x. hehe it's my favorite anime inspite of its graphic violence. i like the philosophical views of the villains and the views of kenshin most of all.

my favorite villain was shishio makoto. he's the man with bandages all over his body. he was really evil, in fact, i think that he got his powers from the devil. his sword is fueled by the blood of the people he killed. he has this certain sword style where his sword will light up and produce fire. but kenshin himura dealt with him really well. i mean, shishio makoto takes his powers from the people he kill, from his bad experiences, from all the nega in the world. but kenshin was totally the opposite. he derives his power and strength from nature, from good, from positive energy. while shishio kills because he thirsts for it, kenshin fights for what he thinks is right. he kills because he wants to live and he wants others to live. and so on and so forth. i mean, both men have the same past life during the turbulent Tokugawa era. but they turned out differently. very.
and so, that's kenshin himura.


im just bored and a bit sad.

id rather have rainy days and mondays

tuesday is depressing.
why is it that when you long for something so bad, that something is just nowhere to be found? in my case, it was a someone. it's amazing. i wonder if somebody has attempted to research on that. *sigh* come to think of it...*double sigh*

i get angry so easily these days. i have short patience which is not natural for me. i find myself frowning in front of a mirror or even as i type this. i just cannot understand what's happening. this is not me. i'm not a grumpy girl. maybe i have PMS (i don't know what PMS really is exactly. all i know is it's got to do with periods.) or maybe i'm just plain crazy.

anyway, at 6 o'clock in the evening i went to Thery's hair salon. that should cheer me up. i had to get a haircut since my hair has been splitting in the ends and it looks dry. i had planned just a simple, 'two inches off the ends please' but when i went in the salon and saw pictures of models with great hair, i knew i was gonna change my mind.

but i can't get a hair treatment or anything. my hair has been badly damaged after i had it permed TWICE this year. the first one in April and the second in June. and besides, hair treatments cost too much and take an awful lot of time to do.

there weren't many customers then, in fact, i was the only customer. i found out later the woman sitting on the bench was the manicurista and the girl by the washer is the assistant to Mrs. Thery.

oh good. then i will serve as a blessing to this salon. sometimes, i get the feeling that when i go into a store or shop or line up for anything or whatever, people will follow what i do. like i'm their idol or something and they're stalking me and trying to emulate me in a very discreet way. like that one time i had a haircut done by the loving hands of Mrs. Thery still. when i got home, although it looked nice, i just had to cut a few centimeters off the sides (actually i felt like Mulan that time, and the scissors was so inviting) after i snipped some hair off, i felt a sense of accomplishment and a bit of pride. i thought to myself, i'm just trying to give it a personal touch. and then i went to school. and then, after a few days, some girls are wearing the same hairstyle as mine.
or that time when i had a perm. the next week, everywhere i look, i see girls with newly permed hair too. JUST LIKE MINE.

but it's just me really. (my perm was really bad)

but sure enough, about 15 minutes later, a woman came in to get a pedicure and not long after another one came to get her hair done. she has to wait 'til im finished since Mrs. Thery is the only person who does hair which is appropriate, i think, since she owns the salon and has her name on the billboard outside. not like some salons named after their owners who dont know anything about hair at all.

at last i was done. i look glamorous, i think. maybe i should ask Mrs. Thery where she bought her mirrors. or maybe it's my eyes. the blowdryer? i don't doubt Mrs. Thery's ability, i trust her really. she's good in what she do. it's just that i always come out a disaster when it comes to hair. (recalls hair stretching 2 years ago)

must be because i don't bother so much about my hair. i wouldn't care if i get a bad haircut 'coz i know it'll just grow back anyway. i go to salons, once, twice or if they're lucky, thrice in a year. i'm very low maintenance really. oh well.

i paid and thanked Mrs. Thery then went home. my mother and sister noticed my hair immediately. i knew they were both quite shocked but it was my sister who first started to laugh. and then i have to laugh out loud at myself too. oh well. i never fail. i guess it's in my blood. :)

ps. my father was the only one who didn't see any changes in me at all. even when i swing my hair in front of his face and chant 'notice anything, notice anything??' he finally said, nagpakulot ka? men. they just can't see the necessary details and add ons in life. like a new haircut.
and i woke up this morning, saw myself in the mirror and said to myself, 'i have weird hair'.

dan's birthday today

im copying my cousin's Santana cd all the while hoping that the process would take maybe even just a little bit faster coz i'm so sleepy na. i had to use clang2x's blank cds since i was too excited to copy the files and couldnt wait for tomorrow. i'll just buy her a replacement tomorrow afternoon. she wouldnt be here til next week anyway. ( to clang2x: i promise to buy you two new blank cds tomorrow afternoon. sgnd: me) <---not even a valid note.

it's been years since i last spoke to some of my cousins due to a conflict in the family which has been resolved, thank God, just months ago. although communicating with them is still a bit awkward, (i was in elementary when the cold war started and look i'm in college when each finally raised the truce flag) im glad that we now actually do communicate with each other.
we all have grown so much, physically and chronologically. my cousins, this particular bunch who are descendants of my father's older brother, have become giants. theyre huge. in fact, we call the second born, manoy giant because as what one of my little cousins say, he is similar to an ogre like shrek. (the built, im talking about the built)

they are an all male group that bond on beer and pulutan and talk. the eldest, the eldest in our generation too, is supposed to have graduate years ago but well maybe university wasn't for him. he is set to graduate from a culinary school next year. the second eldest studied nursing after deciding to stop his unproductive activities but was forced to stop because the school cannot anymore accept his tattoed arms. the youngest, born in the same year as i, should have graduated too if he only tried to endure his choice of two years college education. now all three of them, big tough looking men, go to culinary arts school everyday. it's funny to think about.
but they certainly have learned a lot of things from cooking school. the food is great!
i want to go to cooking school...sob sob...maybe when i'm married?

please burn faster. it was a wrong decision to copy the disc at this hour *yawns. i could be jailed for doing this yikes!
ahhh stop. im too sleepy.

hands

ive finally succeeded in putting music in my blog. i originally planned to put "im sensitive" by jewel (Jopet gave me the file) but a back up copy wasnt made before we had the computer reformatted. and ive not downloaded it back again.
i have downloaded though a copy of hands, another one by jewel. here it is:

if i could tell the world just one thing it would be that we're all okay
and not to worry coz worry is wasteful and useless in times like these
i won't be made useless, i won't be idled with despair
i'd gather myself around my faith
for light is darkness most fear

my hands are small i know but they're not yours they are my own
they're not yours they are my own and i am never broken

poverty stole your golden shoes but it didn't steal your laughter
heartache came to visit me but i knew it wasn't ever after
we'll fight not out of spite for someone must stand up for what's right
for where there's a man who has no voice there ours shall go singing

my hands are small i know but they're not yours they are my own
but they're not yours they are my own and i am never broken

in the end, only kindness matters
in the end, only kindness matters

i will get down on my knees and i will pray
i will get down on my knees and i will pray
i will get down on my knees and i will pray

we are God's eyes, we are God's heart, we are God's hands



music starts when one has scrolled halfway down. it's a loop so that the song plays over and over again. it could get irritating so press escape to stop music :) but better not stop it lol

i just uploaded (again) my badjao clips..i hope they work this time. the friendly site that made this possible is filelodge.com..im so happy
and yesterday was so much fun too.
and yet here i am dreading the days ahead

who will save your soul if you can't save your own? by jewel

I was left all alone at the house today. Left to press clothes all by myself and honestly I don’t mind pressing clothes (ironing is my favorite house chore) or being all alone (I enjoy my own compay lol).
My father had a basketball game in the morning so he was the first to leave the house. my little cousin went along. Julia I think had a CAT formation, she didn’t talk very much this weekend. Iris and my mother left in the afternoon, the former for her nurse duty and the latter for Manang Judith’s house. (I finally got to use former and latter in a sentence.)
So anyway, when I was all alone already, I set up the ironing board which wasn’t a very easy task. The board is such a pitiful sight. I had to prop one leg up on a foam (from an old throw pillow) to balance the equation? lol. I brought out the shirts, polos, blouses, pants (except for denim pants) etc and the most important tool, the iron. So there I was, all ready to do my hobby?... lol
The task can be taxing but a tip..watch tv when ironing coz it reduces stress and prolongs endurance lol well it works for me.. there isn’t much on tv these days, unless you have cable? I don’t like watching variety shows and the two competing network giants are airing just that. Worse, those two channels are the only channels with good reception on our tv.
I kept on switching tv channels, there are only 8..6 are still okay while 2 are hopeless. Then I came upon IBC13. the station was airing Bro. Eli Soriano’s bible exposition in Singapore. I’ve seen him lecturing once or twice on tv in some parts of the Philippines, I never thought he’d go out of the country and give lectures there.
I can’t believe how knowledgeable, assuming the spontaneous mention of bible verses are real, he is of the bible. That’s really amazing. He had a pretty good discussion but after a while he began to criticize the man who claimed the next Jerusalem is in Davao City I forgot his name. and then later in the second part, the Mormons. Oh I don’t know, I just thought it was ugly. And ah, oh well.

i didn't get to finish all clothes.

Just downloading songs….from jewel, alanis etc..

my eyes hurt so much that when i close them, i see black sea urchins with their thin sharp spikes poking against the inside of my eyelids. nngeee..laina oi!

rhyme time lol

ring ring ring
la la la ding ding
post the visual
ah the usual

boom mic is on
'go' answers a question
past tests we discuss
oh boy what a fuss

yadda yadda yadda
blah blah blah


this *place feels like China, lol, as if i've been to China.


*AC23 room