Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you'
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

by Goo Goo Dolls

new year

20 seconds...we got 15.. 7..6...5...4...3...2...1 wooohooo!!!!

i felt stupid on new year's day.. at the very start of the year. i hope it wont go on for the rest of the year or for the rest of my life hehe. i was to be the one to go out and put the car engine alive and honk and honk and honk like crazy.. i was the only one doing it in the neighborhood.. i was a bit embarrassed but my father insisted so instead of a big tooot tooot tooot the car gave out tut tut tt...hehe well anyway the embarrassment only lasted for about five seconds. after the initial embarrassment i just had to go with the flow. be crazy like the people around me hehe.

id talk more in the morning...wohooo im so excited!! year of the fire dog are you ready for me????!!! lolz

NO FRONTIERS

If life is a river and your heart is a boat
And just like a water baby, baby born to float
And if life is a wild wind that blows way on high
And your heart is Amelia dying to fly
Heaven knows no frontiers and I've seen heaven in your eyes

And if life is a bar room in which we must wait
'Round the man with his fingers on the ivory gates
Where we sing until dawn of our fears and our fates
And we stack all the dead men in self addressed crates

In your eyes faint as the singing of a lark
That somehow this black night
Feels warmer for the spark
Warmer for the spark
To hold us 'til the day
When fear will lose its grip
And heaven has its ways

Heaven knows no frontiers
And I've seen heaven in your eyes

If your life is a rough bed of brambles and nails
And your spirit's a slave to man's whips and man's jails

Where you thirst and you hunger for justice and right
And your heart is a pure flame of man's constant night

In your eyes faint as the singing of a lark
That somehow this black night
Feels warmer for the spark
Warmer for the spark
To hold us 'til the day when fear will lose its grip
And heaven has its ways
And heaven has its ways
When all will harmonise
And you know what's in our hearts
The dream will realise

Heaven knows no frontiers
And I've seen heaven in your eyes
Heaven knows no frontiers
And I've seen heaven in your eyes

by The Corrs

year ender

this year has been great for me. the most eventful yet. it feels like this was the first time i actually started living lol. sure there were pains and lots of heartache but even those brought out positive effects. i feel very blessed this year. here's why...(in no particular order)

i fell in love :)
received 4 packs of glow in the dark figures from my manito
received a tiny golden labrador toy on my birthday
family ties rebonded
had a perm, twice
had a hair relax
found a part time job
passed taxation yahoo!
learned a bit of korean
met a lot of people and i mean a lot (most were big shits too)
met some of my flickr.com contacts
saw constantine maroulis in concert
shook hands with a cute guy named Jason whoever he was (he could be famous too, who knows lol)
sang at cousin's wedding
went to surigao for the first time
went to medellin at cousin's house
went to see a movie in the theater (knig kong) before the year ends (the first time and surely the last time this year)
sang in front of two blocks with kaycee and jopet for SPR
night out at The Village
halloween disco at Nasa
posed with jr. kilat
got thisclose with Orange and Lemons
part of liaison team for SEAG
part of black theater for xmas production
went to Dumaguete
island hopping, jopet's treat
received a love letter, unsigned but nevertheless romantic :)
learned how to drive
learned how to wax
applied nail polish
stood up against bossy Christopher
felt great at tambuli (acquaintance party)
prayed a lot especially in sept, oct, nov lol!
assured of great guy friends

and the list goes on...

it's in this year that i felt so much joy and so much pain. but i won't talk about the pain coz it'll only be more painful lol. i never want to regret anything even though there are things that seem to be worth regretting lol.
i'll be back when im completely healed, charr!! hehe im so looking forward to 2006 and leave 2005 behind. i wont leave the lovely memories though hehe. cheerz!!

revisited III

i'm such a sucker for these things..

True meaning of love:

If it’s because of his eyes or his lips or his great body it’s not love..it’s lust
If it’s because of his intelligence or insight about life it’s not love..it’s admiration
If it’s because he cries everytime you try to leave it’s not love..it’s pity
If it’s because he makes you forget to study and sleep it’s not love..it’s infatuation

Love is when you do not know why you seem to be attracted to a person.. love has it’s reason and that reason is unknown.

revisited II

here's yet another one.. should be at hopeless romantic but isn't it too cute?

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hands in front of his friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, “That’s her”.

revisited

text message that struck me.

I’m a spoiled brat I’m cool and freaky
I don’t follow rules even curfews and limitations
Who cares?
Besides
When I do GOOD no one remembers
But when I do BAD nobody forgets! :(

beauty killed the beast

i went to see a movie today with Ondong. he was being kind to me. he opens doors and pulls up chairs for me. he walks after me but that became kind of annoying 'coz i have to keep looking behind my back to check if he's still there. trying to be a gentleman.
anyway, we watched King Kong. the movie was fun. i liked the special effects, the sound effects, the graphics, the technical stuff. i loved the dynamic scenes in the forest. the actors and their acting didn't move me much.
naomi watts sure was pretty. were t-backs 1930's fashion? she certainly was able to maintain her arms and legs flawless all through out her jungle adventure. i mean, any fragile woman after being chased up and down the forest by dinosaurs and giant iguanaas to name just a few would have at least acquire cuts and bruises. the guy from School of Rock was funny in the movie School of Rock. adrien brody, wow, his nose is super crooked. everytime i see him on screen, my mind, my body, my soul are all set on his nose.
the character i like most in King Kong is the captain of the ship Voyage. he is my type. i thought he was really cute and soo masculine. he's got an accent and blue eyes. i just love accents and blue eyes.
if i had watched the film with somebody else maybe it would have been more grand and exciting. i wouldn't be bothered still (til now) by Brody's long, crooked nose.
i'm being unfair, unkind and ungrateful to ondong. i know.

lumpiang shanghai at ang kapitbahay kong pakialamera

lipaya jud nako oi! pasko na sad. dinhi ganina si Sean sa balay. katawaa jud nako nila mama oi, labi na ni papa kay hapit mahurot ang iyang ininglis daw hehe. maayo gani kay naa pud among silingan nga tagalog speaking kay kusog kaayo mo entertain. as in, that's entertainment jud nya ang segment kay interview with sean.
pero sahay makalagot lang ni si aling gina. kay grabe..sayo pa gani sa buntag naa na siya sa among balay, nagputak putak na ang baba. hehe mag apil2x ug prepare sa baon nya sahay moapil2x ug laba. ngano man ni siya? tungod siguro kay wala siyay trabaho sa ilang balay noh?
ako ganahan jud ayo ko maglukot lukot ug lumpia wrapper para himoon ug shanghai. kapoia sad oi kay si aling gina, niapil ug lukot2x sa wrapper..nahan ta ko nga ako ra usa magbuhat ato. ngee, mas nindot pa tawon ko mohimo noh kay hugot nya limpyo tan awon. hehe
bisan unsa na occasion kay naa jud mi handa nga lumpia oi..saunz? lumpia shanghai, spaghetti, pan ug ang walang kamatayang humba..as in mao jud na ang mga mainstay characters sa kada okasyon..hehe
lingawa nako karon gabhiona oi..pero asa na man to ang akong mga kauban sa midnight society?? basin natulog na..kay momata pa ra ba para sa noche buena... hehehe

merry christmas everyone..=)

it starts with a j

sunday..
i became ninang to joshua, my cousin's new born baby boy yesterday. i have three inaanaks already. now i have to save for annual presents hehe. joshua is so cute. he has very small fingers and toes. and he's always sleeping. sometimes he'd wiggle his whole body, kind of like stretching, and then he'd open his mouth for a big, big yawn. he's just sooo cute. isnt it amazing how children grow? first theyre very small you can hold them with one arm. then they grow bigger and start to walk and start to talk. then they go to school and make parents happy and then and then and then. sigh* i wish i had a baby hehe

after the christening, i went with my cousins and had lunch with them. then we went to their house and sang songs from the videoke. afterwards i went to school, just to show up for the christmas party. i really didnt have any intention to stay long for i made a promise to ondong joseph to go see the Jesus World at Talavera.

so i went to Talavera (in Basak, Pardo, Cebu City!)..my what a sight. i had to walk up the steep hill, 1 1/2 inch sandals, long skirt, pink blouse and all. i had no other choice for all the vehicles that would shuttle people to and from talavera are always full. sigh* there were so many people. Jesus World presents the time of Jesus in Bethlehem and the significant events of Jesus' life. when i entered the gates of Talavera i saw another gate supposedly made of bricks and stone guarded by Roman soldiers (melly my high school schoolmate was one of the roman guards on duty). joseph toured me around. he brought me to the, i forgot their name (panday) men who pound iron to make swords and different armors. there were weavers too..of clothes and house things. i saw an inn whenever i pass by or whoever passes by is greeted by the Jesus' time women with the word Salve. oh thanks, i say back hehe we went down to the shepherds' flock set..there were real sheep too! why do sheeps always gather close together, like mafia hehe or probably exchanging gossips and rumors? down to the well and i saw "Jesus'" talking to the woman getting some water from the well. they had a beautiful interaction..'whoever drinks from...' then we went on to see the baptism of Jesus by John the Baptist. 'a voice cries out...' goes John, then proceeded to baptize people. later Jesus came to be baptized. (it was a bit funny scene because Jesus' wig is so dreadlocks and uh it didnt fit. it was like a mop head. the highschool girls to my left couldn't stop or hide their giggling.) i didnt get to see Santa Claus though, maybe he was on break..and Herod's palace..tsk tsk i'll have to wait another year to see it. oh i almost forgot to mention, the wedding of Cana was cool. there were dancers and Jesus' time music.

i knew i should go but everytime i try to tell Joseph i had to go, he'd insist for me to stay. and even promised to bring me to my house. maybe God didnt want me to go home yet for it rained again. each time i try to head for the gates, it pours even harder. but it was already 10:30 pm and my father has called me on the phone, i really had to go. joseph went with me. we couldn't get a ride on the shuttle busses for there were many people in line. the experience later on was very unique to me and i have to say it was kind of enlightening hehe. joseph and i walked barefoot down the hill from Talavera under the light drizzle of the rain. it's like a scene from a koreanovela. my oh my.

friday+rain=yahoo

what happened to my math?? dunno..

i met with sean at a mall. (details on turtlepace at work) hehe
afterwards, i went on my way back to school but a stroke of bad luck hit me. the rain poured hard. inside the jeepney, i had an internal struggle. i couldnt decide whether to go to the main campus to attend my 6 unit AC23 class or to go directly to the south campus where the CaYM Christmas Production was to start in less than an hour. a few minutes later, inside the jeepney, i realized that i boarded the wrong vehicle. it was the wrong route. so an honest mistake helped me in my decision making. (dont know where to start.)

i invited sean for the play and he came with two friends!! but he bought four tickets from me!! jay was supposed to go with sean, chie e and gary but he had another commitment. yehey, i will only have to pay for the six remaining tickets.

i think the production went well. it was an ambitious staging of talents in CaYM history. imagine, the venue alone was something already..the usc cultural center..and then the audience.. it was a low budget production with amateur actors and actresses that went a long way. a big help to the children of Mabolo who were the primary beneficiary of the show/fund raising. it was also a wonderful ground for talent exposure/expose hehe. the CaYMers are really very gifted.
bloopers..there were lots!! especially during the matinee. Jack's the pumpkin king had a very big tear in his pants. santa claus' beard and moustache got ripped off after oogie woogie tugged him. during santa claus' and oogie woogie's confrontation, santa's belly came out from under his santa suit. the yellow paper (i think that was manila paper) stuck inside santa's clothes to make him appear fat and round made an appearance too!! there were parts where no soul is on the stage but voices come out from the speakers (as it was dubbed). there are more of those bloopers. but all in all, i think it was really good. hehe
everyone was in awe with the black theatre. sean sent a message saying..go nikki! it was awesome! great! hehe

it was so unfortunate for me to have accidentally deleted the pictures during the production..i was so bummed. oh well..i'm just going to copy frater arnold's shots.

hahaay..hehe

pamukung

kaulaw naman lang jud naku uy. kapuya. pasaylu jud sa draybir, wa jud tuyua ay. nakalimut lang jud ku..nakalimut kug pliti. saunz!?

kani man gung maghunahuna ta ug mga lawum kaayu nga idiya sulud sa dyipni. akung alimpatakan napunu sa mga butang nga impusibling mahitabu ug kung ibutang ta mahitabu gamay ra kaayu ang tiyansa ini. suss! pasaylu, pasaylu nagpakaulaw ku..sa draybir pasaylu. kaluuy pud ni manung. dili tinuyuan akung pamukung manuy..=)

peace man..ug sa binisaya pa, kalinaw bay!

life for rent

by dido

I haven’t ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologise that once again
I’m not in love
But it’s not as if I mind that your heart aint exactly breaking
It’s just a thought, only a thought

And if my life is for rent and I don’t learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I’ve always thought that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone and live more simply
I have no idea what’s happened to that dream
Cos there’s really nothing left here to stop me
It’s just a thought, only a thought

And if my life is for rent and I don’t learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won’t let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won’t even try
Well how can I say I’m alive
If my life is for rent…

kissed by the frog prince

i've always longed for my first kiss. i daydream about it and it always comes out perfect. and yet, no matter how much i put my mind into the kiss, i've never dreamed of it at night. not until two nights ago.

we were holding hands but out fingers don't quite fit. i felt warm when i moved close to him. i felt his breath on my neck. then he moved his mouth over mine and kissed me slowly. i felt all nice and romantic. it would've been perfect if the kiss had been anything but sloppy. i honestly felt like i kissed a frog. who was the guy? i'm glad i couldn't tell from the dream.

hospitals make me sick

i feel so sorry for my sister. i had to cry with her. aww..

i watched titanic..oh how depressing! then i plan to buy "life is beautiful" which is more depressing! i dont want to feel depressed but i can't stop myself from watching such films. oh well. i have enough humour to last me good anyway lol.

too ordinary

somebody's been sending me nasty emails. vesty222@yahoo.com whoever he/she is must be a nutcase.

ram is aggressive, impatient and too cocky on the road. i was gripping on the edge of my seat the whole time. he was more like practicing than actually driving. man and machine werent one at all. in fact, they were going separate ways. i dont want a repeat.

the nights are so cold. i shut close the windows and even the door but the cold creeps in.
i dreamt of grandpa. it didnt scare me so much though as i would expect from me. he was doing something. what was he doing? i think he was pressing rubber stamps on paper. and my cousin was with him. what's Ketch doing in my dream? he and his older brother used to be so annoying. well they still are.

when you wish

i got hold of the wish list. at last, it was my turn to put in what i want. what i really, really , really want ever since is a music box. nobody has ever given me that. in highschool, a friend gave me one but it wasnt exactly what i had in mind. my specifications are simple: box that plays a tune after you wind up a tiny metal thingy at the back. i dont want a jewelry box (i dont have precious jewelries in the first place) that plays an electronic sound when opened.

i like the wind me mechanical type. just an ordinary box that plays a lovely melody. then id be very happy. i dont know why but i think its kind of whimsical and a bit romantic. so that's what i really, really, really want but i know i won't get that even if i write it down on the wish list.

so i wrote down instead, two packs of glow in the dark figures. night sky theme. childish or what? ive got a few figures up on my ceiling but i want more. when i go to sleep at night, i want to feel like im not in the room.. that i am outside in a bigger space not confined within four corners which is kind of suffocating. i want something bigger, somewhere larger. i hope whoever gets my name will be kind enough to grant my wish.

vanity

julia painted my nails this evening. im 20 years old and it's my first time to sport nail polish!!
my sister bought two bottles of nail polish of different colors. she has pink because its her old favorite color and purple because its her new favorite color.
i told her to apply the colors alternately on the fingernails of each had. when the colors fade, i'll have pink on both hands. alll pink.
next week, im going to buy the paper thing for the eyebags. it says it can take away the ugly dark circles under the eyes.
i'm hair free again! it feels so good after a bit of pain.
next year, im going to put color on my hair. ive not decided what color yet. kaycee and i have been planning it for a long time.
am i not the most vain of them all? (and i have a webpage dedicated for myself too. my every move, my every sound... all about my self!!)
why of course not! im not vain at all. in fact, ....well i dont know the facts. heehee ciao!

krung krung

feelings, like the weather, sickens when it gets too familiar. you can't be too cold nor too hot. neither should you be too just right. where do you situate yourself when even a temperate zone isnt quite the perfect fit?
why not forget all of it altogether? what is there to feel if there's nothing to feel for? there's no hot without fire, now is there? but, must you really be thankful for such..emptiness?

in a rush

"all LOs: meet at ayala, 2pm."
well, im not going anywhere.
i think i can get someone to give me free mandarin lessons. the guy i met at waterfront, Francis, has offered to give free lessons. isnt that fantastic? what's the catch? who knows? well i'm not going to let him near me. how can that be? oh well. we'll see.

im so excited about christmas!! a few more weeks..mmm yehey.. i already bought Jiance a dress so i've no more problems. i don't understand why i'm her ninang. i don't earn any income so how can i give her gifts without asking from my mother. hehe but she's so cute and charming. and she calls me mommy..so sweet. am i not too young to be called mommy? anyway, her tiny melodic voice can get away with it. she's just so cute.

bea lost her cellphone. poor girl. and it was the second time!! how unfortunate.. and she's managed to just laugh it off. if it was me i think i'd go to every police precinct in cebu. hehe

mushi is losing her hair. must be the shampoo. there are hairballs everywhere in the house. what's a dog to do to stop hair fall. use pantene for 50% less hair fall? these commercials are highly deceiving. oh well.

i went to USC gym yesterday to watch the Sepak Takraw game. i also met with Burokhuli there. he was carrying this huge bag that was to be the sac for his camera and lenses. the game was between thailand and philippines (men) , vietnam and philippines (women). both philippine teams lost. first gentleman mike arroyo made an appearance in the second set of both games. he could be the reason the philippine team lost. hehe or maybe not. maybe twas me. i didnt get to have a picture with him. sayang! wala lang. para sikat ba.
after the game i went to Emall and bought V.C Andrews books that was on sale. ive no more money. im broke..but im happy. im poor but im kind.. im short but im healthy yeahhh..!!

wala na siya

umalis na si Charmae, and mabait at matalinong bata na nakitira ng apat na araw sa aming bahay. isa siya sa mga SCORES participants ng eskwelahan ni Julia. hindi siya nakapagsasalita o nakakaintindi ng cebuano sapagkat siya ay isang ilongga. kaya naman kapag nakikipag usap kami sa kanya, ang ginagamit naming lenguahe ay tagalog/Filipino.
marunong akong mag Tagalog ngunit kapag ito ay ginagamit ko na ay para bang awkward ang feeling ko. kahit nga ngayon na sinusulat ko lang ito ay para akong kinikilabutan. ewan kung bakit. siguro dahil napakamatigas ng dila ko. hhayy nako.. hindi ko muna ito tatapusin, mag cha-chat muna ako. nakakatawa na itong ginagawa ko at itong mga pinagsasabi ko. lol